The Feel for Leading

Knowing when to listen, when to decide, and how to keep learning.

Let’s have an honest conversation about being in a managerial role.

I believe deeply in empathy, support, and creating an environment where people feel valued. But managing people is not all encouragement and inspirational quotes. It is hard. You have to initiate conversations you would rather avoid, make decisions others may not fully understand, and disappoint people you genuinely respect.

There is a familiar idea that wanting to be liked can get in the way of being effective. I would put it a little differently: there is nothing wrong with wanting a good relationship with your team. The difficulty begins when protecting that relationship keeps you from fulfilling your responsibility to it.

I have felt that tension myself.

Sometimes, my desire to make sure every voice is heard has worked against the clarity I was trying to create. I wanted to consider every perspective, give people room to explain themselves, and make sure nobody felt overlooked. Those intentions were sincere. But when I allowed the discussion to keep expanding without establishing a direction, the team was left waiting.

The opposite carries its own consequences. Decide too quickly, without giving people a meaningful opportunity to contribute, and you risk overlooking something important. Over time, people may stop offering ideas because they no longer believe their input matters.

There is no universal formula for finding that balance. You have to develop judgment.

In baseball, we call something similar “feel.”

Some players seem to understand the game a little differently. They anticipate where a play is developing, recognize when to take a chance, and position themselves before the moment demands it. What looks instinctive often reflects years of practice, observation, mistakes, and adjustments.

Some appear to have that feel early. Others develop it through deliberate effort and experience. Either way, the game keeps presenting situations that require them to pay attention.

Managing people asks something similar of us.

You begin to recognize when someone needs encouragement and when they need a direct conversation. You learn when another question might reveal something valuable and when the discussion has reached the point where a decision is needed. You become more aware of when your patience is helping someone grow and when your hesitation is leaving expectations unclear.

That feel should never become an excuse to assume you are always right. Experience can sharpen your judgment, but you still have to question your assumptions and remain willing to adjust.

One lesson I continue to learn is that hearing everyone does not require obtaining everyone’s approval.

My responsibility is to give people a meaningful opportunity to contribute, seriously consider what they share, and then establish a direction. Sometimes that means saying, “I appreciate the perspectives we have discussed. Here is how we are moving forward, and here is why.”

The explanation matters. So does taking responsibility for what follows.

This week, consider a decision you have been struggling to make. Ask yourself whether you need more information, whether someone affected has not been heard, or whether you are hoping another conversation will remove the discomfort of deciding. Those are different situations, and they require different responses.

People change. Teams change. Different generations bring different experiences and expectations into the workplace. What worked in one situation may need to be reconsidered in the next.

That is why becoming effective has to remain a constant practice. We need the humility to listen, the willingness to keep learning, and the courage to make a decision when the time comes.

The feel develops through doing the work and being honest enough to learn from how we do it.